I am a transparent eyeball
I am nothing
I see all
I am the ruins of your smile
I am totemic
I am the head against the wall

I wrote you a bible with tears.
A grey loneliness is rising from earth
Silent and radiant.
Shadows grew, bloodless and empty.
You betrayed me, with knives
How comfortable are you doing it?

“Sometimes an abyss opens before my eyes
that seems to extend to the centre of the earth.
With what can you fill that?
With lassitude? With longing?
With happiness? What happiness?
With despair? With death?

(I don’t know how to play the part until it’s over.
Neither in piano nor in life.
I never knew. I have always been too carried away.
Always too impatient. Something always got in the way.
Something always broke.
But who knew how to play his part before the end?
And if so, who did it work for?”)

I become unspoken
Who is innocent?
For death done by hands
Suicide has cause and stillborn logic
Cancelling physics with a sneer.
Forming textures with wicked stones.

Around me the oaks and fires
Over me soared the eternal sky
Full of light and deity.
Again I saw, again I heard
The failing river, the black bird
I yielded myself to the perfect whole.

Are you there?
Do you feel the soul?
We are all sliding towards the edge
We will lose everything we have to lose.
When did life stop feeling like this?
We’re never supposed to wake, and remember.
The bird trims itself to the gale.
I trim myself to the storm of surrender.

A blackbird sang an ancient rhyme
Singing at dawn the universe’s song
Spreading her wings
covered my head with coil grime
A human voice to my ear… and I drown.